


Boy Talk

by Myrrhee (Shadow_Logic)



Series: The Fort William Henry Rumor Mill [1]
Category: Last of the Mohicans (1992)
Genre: Colonial Expressions, F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Logic/pseuds/Myrrhee
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a group of men, held in a fort under siege, will eventually find themselves talking about women. Implied UncasAlice and NathanielCora.





	Boy Talk

* * *

_**Fort William Henry – day of the accorded meeting between Colonel Edmund Munro and Captain Jack Winthrop, of the colonial militia** _

* * *

With a lull in the fighting settling over the usually noise-shaken little fortress, Uncas finds himself a quiet corner of the fort's parade and leans his back against the beams of the northern bastion. He takes a moment to enjoy the relative silence and clean his musket.

The sound of a tentative peace envelops him as he cleans – it grows, with a few of the women and children who've taken refuge in the fort coming out, seeking each other to talk and maybe laugh, men not on duty doing the same. His colonial friends, along with his brother, begin to gather in a circle close by him, to wait. Soon they'll go into conference with Munro over their desire to return to their settlements, and their moods will undoubtedly grow sour, but their temper right now is like a warm, friendly fire. Their talk turns to their settlements, then to their kin, then to what they miss the most and finally, inevitably, to women.

Uncas only pays them half an ear, focused on his task and his thoughts, until he hears Jack Winthrop and the rest, with better eyes in their faces than they're given credit for, begin to tease his brother about Cora Munro.

"Think her father will let you leave the fort for the wedding?"

Jack scoffs. "With any luck he'll let them spend the wedding night across the lake."

"Leave the fort? C'mon Jack! What's more romantic than being lulled to sleep in the arms of a Scot belle, the blast of French artillery playing sweetly in the background?"

"Aye." Jack sighs, and pretends to think deeply as he looks at Nathaniel. "It's a good match though, isn't it boys? Heard the girl takes nothing sitting down. Yells back at anyone who yells at her first. They'll grow old happily alright – if their arguing doesn't scare all the game in the county and leaves them to starve."

Someone gasps with exaggeration. "Why Jack, are you implying Nathaniel's temper isn't agreeable?"

A third person cuts in. "Don't be cross, Nathaniel. We're all just jealous you've caught the eye of the prettiest girl in the fort."

Ian suddenly slides his eyes in Uncas' direction, and before he knows it, Uncas has been made part of the conversation. "What about Uncas, boys? Are we really gonna let Nathaniel take all the glory?"

Uncas edges closer to the group, accepting that he's been discovered. They all pretend to study him for a moment.

Jack shakes his head. "Nah, Uncas is too good a boy to tease. Reckon he'll be married by next spring and we'll never see him again. " Agreements ring all around, and it seems they'll go on in this vein for a moment before Ian, who'd been suspiciously quiet, clears his throat.

"Y'know, he might look all innocent, with his big sad eyes and his…" Ian mimics an exaggerated frown. "But that guy Phineas from the patrol last night told me a few things."

"What things?" Nathaniel looks at Ian with the calm amusement of someone who's sure they can't be surprised.

"See, he was near the gate with some of the boys, hauling artillery, when this lot showed up. And he says to me 'Ian, you'd never believe what I saw', and I say 'go ahead, make a believer of me'. And he tells me 'Ian, those people who showed up with the Colonel's daughters last night your friends?"

"Is this story going anywhere soon?"

"Shut up William." Ian's dismissal is smiling though. "As I was saying, Phineas says to me 'Because I want to know why one of them was on that blue-eyed trapper's arm and why the other'…" And here Ian turns to look mock-wisely at Uncas. "…'why the other was hanging off that big Mohawk's arm, when there was a perfectly good British Major with two healthy arms right beside her, trying to get her attention."

Jack, William, Sharitarish and even Nathaniel turn to look at him, united in shock. Jack's mouth wrinkles at the corners from trying not to laugh. "This true, Uncas?"

Uncas knows what will happen as soon as he says his chosen words. But they're stronger than a yes, a no or a damn you, so he's satisfied with them. "Did you tell him I'm no Mohawk?"

There's a brief moment of shock before the men around him explode into howling expressions of astonishment and amusement – except for his brother, who couples a raised eyebrow with the faintest trace of a smile. The words aren't spoken, but Uncas can hear them as if they've been said into his very ear:  _What have you been doing behind my back, na-tah-can?_

Uncas answers with a blink and a quirk of his eyebrows. He also holds his brother's gaze firmly.  _Exactly what you know I have, netohcon: nothing_. Nathaniel nods, his small smile teasing and assuring Uncas he'd never thought ill of him at all, but nobody else has noticed the exchange.

Ian, the first to recover, reaches over to slap him lightly on the shoulder. "There you have it, boys! Straight from the horse's mouth! Whod've thought!"

"Can't blame the little Munro lady, that Heyward fellow looks like an owl in an ivy bush."

"And here I was, thinking the older one got all the guts. Little blonde mouse's got plenty, choosing a Mohican over Major Ivy Hair."

William, last to recover from the fit of excitement, raises both his hands like a schoolteacher calling his unruly class to order. "Boys, I think we ought to take our hats off for Nathaniel and Uncas, right now." Everyone turns to him expectantly. "They're about to get Colonel Munro for a father-in-law, after all."

Jack scoffs. "Let's do that, only the other way around: to Colonel Munro, who's about to get  _Chingachgook_  for an in-law."

Uncas can't help but be pleased at how every man in the circle shudders. There's playful exaggeration, certainly, but he can see tense fingers, tense necks, and one of the men even turns around to make sure Chingachgook is nowhere close by. It's an honor, to know that his landless, kinless father commands more fear and respect amongst the white men than Munro, even as they sit in the middle of a fortress surrounded by his own king's men.

Then Ian holds up an imaginary tankard. "A toast, boys, a toast! To Uncas and Nathaniel, conquerors of the Scottish gaels and future sons-in-law to the king of fort William Henry!" Most of the men hold up imaginary tankards as well, and just like that, they're on to some other bit of nonsense, and he and Nathaniel are no longer in fashion.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) Parade: the inner square of the fort; in the movie, it's where the fires are burning and people are dancing the night of the colonials' desertion
> 
> (2) na-tah-can: one of the words for 'younger brother' in Mohican; after much poking, it seems this is the one Nathaniel uses in the movie to refer to Uncas twice  
> (3) netohcon: one of the words for 'elder brother' in Mohican
> 
> Credit to the book "Mohican Dictionary" by Lion G. Miles, found online. This might, just might turn into a short series featuring more of the boy talk that probably happens in the fort, if I find the inspiration for it.


End file.
